The Runaway Doctor
by FlapperSlapper
Summary: The 11th Doctor is relaxing inside the TARDIS when a certain skinny man with sticky-uppy hair materializes inside it, wearing a tuxedo and a cheeky grin. He takes the Doctor to an unexpected place, where they run into several familiar faces. COMPLETE.
1. Partners in Time

**This is my first ever attempt at fan fiction. I have ideas for a few more chapters after this one, but would LOVE some feedback to see if people are interested. Thanks for reading!**

After dropping Amy and Rory off on a honeymoon planet for their honeymoon, the Doctor decided that he also deserved a little relaxation. So, he landed the TARDIS in 2019, right outside a little shop in Cardiff and bought himself a newly released copy of the eighth Harry Potter novel. He'd been anxious to catch up with good 'ol JK for awhile now.

He set the TARDIS to drift calmly throughout space, and then settled in for a read, lying down on the console room floor. He was a few chapters in and starting to seriously ponder if the Master might have something similar to horcruxes, when he caught a moving glimmer out of the corner of his eye. He glanced fully up, and saw a man...standing in his TARDIS...in what looked like a sharp tuxedo. "WHAT?" He took a moment to place a bookmark on the page, and then stood up, sonic screwdriver in hand.

The stranger turned around and flashed him a cheeky grim. "WHAT?" he exclaimed, mockingly. "WHAT."

The Doctor stumbled back, nearly chocking.

But the man just winked. "Ahhh, the shock of a wedding participant materializing inside the TARDIS - good times! Brilliant, in fact."

The Doctor ran a hand through his own long hair. With the stranger's sticky-uppity hair, dimples and expressive eyebrows, he wasn't a stranger at all. He even wore a bow tie. But the mere fact that he was here - presently present inside the TARDIS - couldn't be, well - _stranger_. Throwing the sonic screwdriver down, the Doctor leapt over to the man and pried open his left eyelid - the hell with personal space. "You must be sick. Or I - I must be sick. We must be sick. I feel fine though. Are you sick?"

"Wellllll, I did just eat a banana, and now I feel a tinsy bit constipated. But I think it'll pass soon enough." He pat his stomach. "Thanks for asking!"

The Doctor pried upon the man's mouth. Yes, there was a whiff of banana. "But I don't remember this happening before. When I, I mean - when we - collided the TARDISes on her own timeline before, I remembered. This event is brand new. And I closed the cracks in the universe, so that doesn't explain this either."

The strange not-so-stranger stranger raised an eyebrow and put his hands in his pockets. "Who do you think I am?" He asked coolly.

"What exactly do you mean? I don't just _think_ about who you are. I _know_ who you are. You're me. I know you're me. Of course you're me. But how can you be me...when the me that is currently me doesn't remember this happening to me when I was you?"

The man stood on his tiptoes. "Ohhh well, that's easy. I'm not you. Wellll…not really anyway."

The Doctor leaned in even closer. "Cassandra?"

"What?" The man sounded genuinely insulted. "No. Don't be so thick. Guess again."

The Doctor grabbed a hold of the man's face with both hands. "Why don't you seem the least bit surprised to be here - almost like you expected it? Why aren't you intrigued — or at all interested really - by my new appearance? And why, dear goodness why, would you bother to wear a bow tie that is just plain old boring black? Bow ties are very cool, but red, green or blue bow ties are even cooler. Why don't you know that yet?" He let go of the man's face, but continued to stare.

"Ahhh! Brilliant questions. I knew they would be." The man placed his own hands tightly on the Doctor's shoulder. "One - I planned to be here. Two - I knew exactly what you looked like, hipster gramps. And four — no wait, three - I'm going to a wedding and the attire is called 'black tie' not; 'any color of the rainbow tie'." Oh and in case those answers didn't help, here's another hint:" He paused for a moment and guided the Doctor's fingers to his own chest. "This is my heart. My _only_ one."

The Doctor jerked his hand back and starred at the man before him, suddenly seeing him in a whole new light.

The man had on a huge grin. "Yup, yup, I see that big old brain of yours working. Welllll, I can't see your brain actually. It's only a matter a speech - very human. In fact -"

The Doctor put a hand up, silencing him. "Human-Time Lord metacrisis?"

"Hello!" said the man, waving his right hand. "But you, old man, may call me 'the Doctor'." He winked.

The original Doctor was still terribly confused. "But, but, but...how did you get here? You don't even live in the same universe? This shouldn't -"

But the half-human Doctor wasn't listening. He had run over and seized the Harry Potter book.

"Oh, brilliant! I've wanted to read this for ages!" He began to flip through the pages and didn't take his eyes off it. "I knew it would eventually be published of course, but since you abandoned me without a TARDIS, I haven't been able to get my hands on it. Not even with our magical handy spare hand."

"Doctor , I -"

The half-human spun back around. "Tell me - is Barty Crouch Junior by chance in it at all? I loved that character…especially in the films. Or was it just one film he was featured in? I forget now..."

The Doctor shook his head, ran up to the not-him and slapped him hard across the face. "God, I forgot how much you could ramble."

The other fell back. "What was that for?"

"...And how squeaky your voice could get."

"Well, you- you —" The half-human pointed a finger at the Doctor as he tried to stand fully back up. "You…STILL AREN'T GINGER!"

The Doctor tried to think up a witty retort, but just shook his head. Never mind silly insults. He had more pressing matters to attend to. "Okay, besides _how_ you got here, you said that you actually _planned_ to be here. Why? Is something wrong?"

"Ahh no! Me wearing this cheeky smile when there's danger? No no. This is a happy call. No big bad wolf. Don't you worry your big new forehead off." The half-human pulled several TARDIS controls and the whole machine lurched forward. "I'll show you why I'm here. Allonsy!"

"It's 'Geronimo.' I say 'Geronimo' now." The Doctor bent down and grabbed a box that was set next to the Harry Potter book — a dozen biscuits that he bought earlier at the shop. If this _was_ truly just a fun trip, (and why should he doubt his somewhat-cloned-self?) he figured that he could relax a little and enjoy a snack."Biscuit?" He offered one to his latest companion. "You really should eat one or two...or twenty. Goodness, I nearly forgot how skinny you are. Donna was right."

"Oh right. Good 'ol Donna. You'll see her in a minute."

The Doctor felt his hearts skip a beat. "But Donna can't know!" He yanked the half-human forward by his bow tie. "My goodness, you really must be sick. What kind of sodding idiot have you become?"

"Oi, watch it Time Lord!" He snapped the Doctor's bow tie. "I'm no idiot. Just think for a minute, will ya? We're not going to see your Donna Noble — we're going to see -"

"Your world's." The Doctor slowly nodded and released his grasp on the other man. Right, that made sense. Of course his half-human self would want to befriend his best mate — even if she wasn't truly the same woman.

"Oh and did I mention a certain Miss Tyler who's expecting you too?" The half-human Doctor smiled broadly as the TARDIS landed.


	2. HalfHuman Nature

**Note: From now on, I'll refer to the Meta-Crisis Tenth Doctor as "the half-human", "human" or "half-human Doctor". Only the 11th Doctor is simply "the Doctor." Some characters may refer to the half-human as "the Doctor", but it should be rather obvious which man they're talking about. Enjoy! (I hope.)**

**

* * *

**

"Right. Soooo-ah, quick catch-up lesson." The half-human Doctor was wearing his glasses and had found a chalkboard, which he began writing several bullet points on. The first word he wrote was _YOU_, then drew a long line through it. He used his sonic screwdriver to point to it, like a professor might use a wooden stick. "I am _not_ you. I am, however, still the Doctor, and I ask you to refer to me as such." He next slapped his right hand to the chalkboard and used his left hand to trace it with chalk. "I grew out of this. Hello!"

The eleventh Doctor nodded. "Yes, yes…I understand that bit. Carry on. How exactly did you come to be inside the TARDIS?"

"Ahhh yes, that." The half-human wrote _Huon Particles_ on the board. "Remember those?" he asked the Doctor.

"Yes, of course!" The Doctor replied, impatiently. "I have the same memories as you, you hyperactive human man. Donna unknowingly consumed Huon particles in her coffee, drawing her into the TARDIS, which also has a tiny remnant of Huon particles at its heart. She was like a pencil inside a mug – I believe that's the analogy I used."

"Precisely!" The half-human exclaimed. "And although those particles haven't existed since dark times – I, being the genius that I am…and using a bit of Torchwood's technology – was able to recreate a dose of Huon, using a hydrogen base. Soo, for the past several months, I've been sipping up the good stuff in preparation for today. Poured 'em into banana daiquiris, in fact. You still like bananas, by the way?"

"Hmm, unsure." The Doctor twisted his tongue around his teeth. "I know I hate apples, but I haven't ever had a craving for a banana yet, but then again – wait, no, no, continue on with the explanations!"

"Wellll, I theorized that even though I was stuck in a different universe than you, the Huon particles would be strong enough to pull me through to the TARDIS anyway. Annnd," He drew a happy face on the board. "I was right!" He bounced on the balls of his feet, looking rather smug.

The Doctor wasn't so impressed. "Well now that you're here, how exactly do you plan on bringing us back to your universe?"

"Ohh that's easy! Rose sipped on some Huon, too." He drew a tea bag on the chalkboard. "That was her drink of choice – Jackie's tea. But with her Huons, I traded the noutronical protons for some liometic inhibitors…meaning that instead of her coming to the TARDIS, the TARDIS will be pulled to her when the time's right." He smiled, folded his hands together and leaned back. "So, seems like we're all caught up then!"

The Doctor stared at the half-human blankly. "But _why_ did you need to see me?"

The half-human wrinkled his forehead. "I told you, didn't I? I'm bringing you to a wedding." He drew two circles on the board. "See. Those are rings."

The Doctor could feel his latest biscuit coming back up into his throat. The last time Huon particles were involved, a bride appeared. "And you're the groom?" he asked, nervously, knowing the likely identity of the bride.

"What?" The half-human laughed. "No, I'm just an ordinary human wedding participant."

The Doctor's partially-digested biscuit settled back down. "Alright, are we going to play a round of 'guess the happy wedding couple' or will you just tell me already?"

"Ahh, you're no fun in old age, are you? Pity." He erased the previously drawn happy face from the board and drew in a sad face. "Fine. Fine. Donna's the bride…again. And her groom is Lee McAvoy. I doubt she has any idea, of course, that a Donna Noble in another universe once fell in love with that other universe's Lee…in yet another alternative universe created by a library's computer…but " he caught his breath. "it's a brilliant tale of romance anyway."

"And we're just attending her wedding for what - fun?"

"Ohh yes! I thought it'd be the perfect treat for you. You excited?"

The Doctor thought for a moment. "Yes, I suppose it does sound like a – to borrow a word – _fantastic_ - circumstance. May we also attend the reception?"

The half-human nodded. "Wouldn't miss it for the world! _Any_ world's actually."

"Fantastic again! I've had some dance practice since I was kinda-sorta you. And I always dance at weddings…or so I'm told."

"Ah, brilliant!" The half-human smiled. "Ready to go then? I suggest you change into fancier clothes though. It's a black-tie affair."

"Wait just one second, human." The Doctor walked over to him and placed both hands on his shoulders, investigating him. "You said you knew precisely what I looked like now. How?"

"Well, I've seen you before."

"You have?"

"Why yes! I may or may not have tested out the Huons before, and saw you in the TARDIS. Annnd by 'may or may not' I mean that I definitely did. I found out that you were traveling with an Amy – a ginger, very good choice, well done – and a Rory."

The Doctor felt even more confused than ever. "But I never saw you. I think I would remember seeing any other man – yet alone a man who looked just like a former me, but who wasn't really quite me – appear inside the TARDIS."

"Ohh well yes, that's because you all were sleeping. Having an interesting dream, I suppose. You kept mumbling something about 'reality' and 'delusions'…even mentioned a distasteful ponytail, I believe."

The Doctor nodded, processing this. "Riight."

The half-human clapped his hands together. "Right, right, right! We need to get a 'movin! Get dress now, okay?"

* * *

The Doctor was changing into the attire he'd worn to Rory and Amy's wedding, when he noticed the half-human Doctor glaring at him. He immediately contorted his body and covered his crotch with a hand. "Excuse me…DO YOU MIND?"

"Sorry." The half-human shrugged. "Actually, you know what? I am so, so not sorry. I just want to see how big it is."

The Doctor thrust his pants on.

"Ohh come on, don't be offended. I know that's one of the first things you check out at after each regeneration."

"Wha -? How dare -?" The Doctor sputtered. "Just, just…stop it! Read a page of Harry Potter or two while I finish changing." He stumbled a few feet back and pulled his shirt on. "My goodness, I must take note of the fact that Meta-Crisises apparently know no boundaries."

"Hey, I heard that!"

"Yes, I'm aware."

The Doctor continued putting on his wedding attire, constantly checking to see that the half-human was engrossed in his reading. He was tying on his last shoe, when someone knocked on the TARDIS door.

Then came another knock. Then another. And another. Four knocks. He felt both his hearts skip a beat. "Oh no", he heard himself whisper.

"Oh yes!" the half-human replied with a bright smile.

"Oh no. Four knocks." The Doctor could practically feel his own skin growing pale. "This is very bad. Very bad indeed. The prophecy must have spread over to this universe and then waited until I returned to fulfill itself because…"

"What's wrong with the number four? I quite like the number four. Four square, Four Seasons, four eyes…the fourth Harry Potter novel was brilliant…"

"The prophecy? Wilfred ? Four knocks? Any of this ringing a bell? Oh wait…right." The Doctor suddenly remembered that the Meta-Crisis was created quite a bit before any of those events transpired, and therefore, wouldn't have those same memories as himself. He thought of the best way to explain the matter. "After I left Bad Wolf Bay, I heard this prophecy from a woman on a bus. And it said…the prophecy said tha –"

"Doctor! Err, I mean, Doctor_s_!" An energetic female voice called out, followed by more non-rhythmic knocks. "Open up in there, you…err, you_s_! The ceremony's about to start!"

That voice. The Doctor's hearts suddenly sped up at the sound of it.

"Be right out!" called the half-human, tossing the book aside. He looked over to the Doctor. "You ready? _Allonsy_, not _Geronimo_? I'm sorry, but you'll never hear me say your word. Never ever."

"Just let me attend to one quick, yet vital matter." The Doctor ran over to a mirror, ruffled his hair a bit, checked his teeth for biscuit crumbs, smoothed out his pants and straightened his bow tie. "Now I am." He glanced back in the mirror. "No wait." He picked his top hat off the ground and placed it on. "Now." He looked into the  
mirror to straighten the hat perfectly on his head. "Okay, I mean now." He nodded at the half-human as they both walked to the TARDIS door. Neither man moved to open it.

"Nice scarf." the half-human raised an eyebrow at it, and then nodded at the door. "Ladies first?" He pulled it open and followed the Doctor out.


	3. The TARDIS Door Opens: The Big Clang

Stepping a few feet outside the TARDIS, The Doctor hoped to see a certain beautiful blonde smiling at him. But besides some balloons and flowers, the only thing he could see in the long, open hallway, was the back of another woman's head – a curly brunette.

The next second, that brown hair was in his face and the girl's arms were wrapped around his neck. "Oh, you must be Rory!" She exclaimed. "It's nice to meet one of the Doctor's new friends." She pulled back and smiled at him, before glancing over his shoulders at the TARDIS. "He still inside? And erm, that girl he - " she pointed towards the half-human "told me about. Amy? She with him?" She walked over to the TARDIS door. "I'm Rose, by the way," she waved back, before poking her head inside. "Doctor!" she called out, a bit timidly.

The Doctor was left speechless for a moment. Actually, make that several moments. Precisely, five and three-quarter moments, including when Rose walked back up to him and asked "Where'd the Doctor go? The, erm, full Time Lord one I mean. Gosh, this is weird."

A million thoughts raced through the Doctor's already overflowing Time Lord brain: being able to see Rose again, Rose apparently excited - and not angry - to see him, the loving stare that the half-human had fixed upon his girl, the beautiful purple dress she wore, and of course, the fact that Rose didn't know his identity. But the only words he could manage to sputter out were "You're not blonde."

Rose blushed. "Oh, did he tell you I was blonde? Well, see, I used to be but I thought I'd change it up a bit. Try out a new look. If he can regenerate..." she twirled a curl around her fingers"…then so can I!"

The Doctor smiled. "I like it." He really did. The warm color suited her personality well. And her face was as vibrant as ever.

Rose turned to the half-human. "Where'd the Doctor go? He still wants to see me, right?" She scrunched her nose up a bit as her smiled erased. "He's not upset with me for accepting you…is he?"

The Doctor took a deep breath. "I'm not."

Rose turned back to him. "No offense, mate, but I don't really need your opinion for any reason. This is a matter between just me and the Doctors, understand?"

"Wellll," called out the half-human. "If I might interject, and apparently I might…since it appears that I indeed am, given that I am now speaking…"

But Rose was now gazing intently at the Doctor. "You look a bit pale, may I just…?" She spoke in a soft, apprehensive voice, then raised her left hand and without finishing her question, placed it to the left side of the Doctor's chest. She looked at the Doctor's face, who just stared back, utterly mesmerized. She then moved her hand to the right side of his chest, feeling it for a beat.

Her next word was barely audible and she said it without looking at his face, "Doctor?"

He used a finger to tilt her head up. "Rose Tyler. Hi." He tapped the finger to her noise. "Just a new face. Works well though, see:" He wrinkled his nose, crossed his eyes and opened his mouth – twisting his face in a variety of contortions.

Rose immediately released her grasp of him and ran straight back over to the half-human Doctor, slapping him across the arm. "You never told me he regenerated!"

"Oi! I though it'd might be a nice surprise," the half-human responded." Oh, you should have seen your face that time I changed right in front of you. You thought I was a Slitheen! Such fantastic times."

Rose ignored him, and walked back over to the Doctor, pointing an angry finger at him. "And you- "The Doctor closed his eyes, bracing for a slap. But he just felt Rose gently take his left hand. "Thank you."

The Doctor opened his eyes. "For what?" he asked, doubtful that she had anything to thank him for after he essentially abounded her on Bad Wolf Bay.

"For him. For you." She gave his hand another squeeze. "It took me a while to stop being angry, but now I'm…well, grateful I'd guess you'd call it. I've always been able to forgive you more easily than you'll forgive yourself, ya?"

The Doctor could only nod.

"And I know this'll sound like a line from one of those soaps that my mum always watches on telly, but I want to thank you…for you."

"No problem. And quite right. It was the only solution really." He reached for her other hand and held on.

The click of high heels suddenly interrupted the moment. "Rose? Sweetie, who are you flirting with? And right in front of your boyfriend?" The speaker had blond hair, stunning blue eyes, an even more stunning display of cleavage and a rather demanding presence. Jackie Tyler had arrived.

She rounded on the Doctor. "You listen here, mister. My daughter's boyfriend may be somewhat of a clone, but that doesn't mean she's single."

The Doctor clapped his hands together. "Oh and one Miss Jackie Tyler's here! What a treat. Just as protective as ever…hello!" He air-kissed both sides of her cheeks. "I learned this greeting recently. Do you like it?"

Jackie looked to both Rose and the half-human. "Do I know this nutter?"

"Wellll –" began the half-human.

"You did flirt with me the first time we met," finished the Doctor. He leaned in close to Jackie. "How's your son…Tony, was it? Thomas? Tyler? No; The name Tyler Tyler would be a bit cruel now, wouldn't it?"

Jackie looked more confused then ever. "It's Tony," she slowly answered.

"Oh for goodness sakes, Mum." Rose spoke up. "This is the Doctor. The full Time Lord one. He's just regenerated. You remember when he used to have a different face, ya? Well, this is the latest one."

The Doctor tipped his hat to Jackie. "New new Doctor."

"Actualllly," began the half-human. "He's the eleventh. So really, he's the new-new-new-new-new-new-new-new-new-new Doctor. Or wait a minute, counting me – and please, I would like to be counted, as I am the Doctor – add on yet another new. So then, that's 'new-new-new –'"

"Shut up now." Jackie gave the half-human a serious glare, and then gave the Doctor two things: a hard slap, followed by a huge hug. "The first is for leaving her. And the second's for giving her him." She took a step back. "God, you look young! You're particularly Tony's age."

"Ah, and how old's Tony now?"

"He's six." Rose answered.

"Seriously though, Doctor," Jackie insisted. "Are you like Benjamin Button – just keep aging backwards? I'd love to know your secret, honest. Can you bottle that alien trick into a moisturizer or some sort of makeup?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "Mum, please."

"Last call for the Noble-McAvoy wedding!" A man called out, a bit further down the hallway. "Ladies and gentleman, kindly take your seats, as the bride has demanded...erm, sorry, I mean - _kindly requested -_ that we don't start a second late."

"Let's go!" The half-human jumped up excitedly and grabbed Rose's hand, yanking her forward.

Jackie and the Doctor followed.

"Oh and Doctor", the half-human leaned in to his ear "you do have psychic paper on you, right?"

"Yes, of course. But why do I need it? Didn't Donna invite us?"

"Oh. Right. Sorry. Didn't I mention? Could have sworn I did." He winked. "Donna hasn't met any of us yet."


	4. The Wedding Invasion

"So we're throwing ourselves, uninvited, into the commitment ceremony of a beloved couple?" The Doctor asked, as the group continued to walk towards the usher at the end of hall. "I know I'm the only non-human present, but isn't that rude?"

"Yup! We're crashing the wedding." Rose said, playfully nudging him.

"Oh no, don't say crashing!" said the half-human Doctor. "That sounds so violent and tragic, doesn't it? I'd rather say that we're 'gifting the wedding guests with ourselves.' We're giving them a present...through our presence."

"I don't much mind a good crash," the Doctor admitted.

"Welllll -"

"Shut up." Rose gently punched the half-human. "Yes, yes, we're being wedding crashers. Like Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn." She winked at the Time Lord.

"Who?"

"Oh, never mind.

"A-hem." The overweight usher clearly didn't cough. "Personalized invitations, please."

The Doctor reached into his pants pockets for his psychic paper, but the half-human beat him to it, flashing a piece of plain white paper at the usher. Apparently he had developed that technology at Torchwood, too. Or maybe just stolen it from the TARDIS, since the Doctor kept several copies.

"Ah yes, Dr. John Smith and guest," the usher smiled at the half-human and Rose. "Donna's personal physician, I see. Very well. Welcome." He performed a slight bow, and then turned towards the Doctor and Jackie. "And you?"

The Doctor handed over his own slip of psychic paper.

"Oh my! Another John Smith? That's rather…_coincidental_. Are you two related?"

"No." said the Time Lord.

"Yes." said the half-human.

"We're ex-identical twins." The Time Lord corrected.

The usher raised his eyebrows so high they nearly fell off his short forehead. "_ex_-identical twins?"

"Yes," Rose chimed in. "But the divorce wasn't too messy. And they both got to keep some really great hair."

"Oh." The usher nodded, though he clearly didn't understand. "Well, you, John – the, uh, non-doctor one," he indicated the Doctor. "I see that Donna was your former babysitter. That must have been… interesting."

The half-human burst out into hysterical laugh, followed by Rose and Jackie.

The Doctor didn't flinch. "Yes. She was extraordinary. A great deal of fun, and made sure I didn't cause any major trouble. Every minute with her was a treat." Donna Noble - the Doctor's babysitter. He decided that the title was oddly perfect.

And at the Doctor's words, the others immediately stopped giggling. The Tylers' looks of pity made him feel rather guilty. The half-human's sullen face sent a chill through the Doctor's body; he remembered how it felt to wear that exact look, and seeing it from the outside was rather unpleasant.

"Ah, how lovely, Mr. Smith." said the usher, apparently bemused that someone would enjoy having Donna as a babysitter. "Well, welcome to you and your date."

The Doctor looked to Jackie. "Who…her? She's not my date."

Jackie promptly slapped him. "He means I'm not just any 'ol date. I'm his fiancé." She forcefully laced her arm around the Doctor's and yanked him towards the double doors.

* * *

The foursome took a seat in the back of the wedding hall, amongst nearly 150 guests and a beautiful arrangement of white lilies and red roses. The double doors opened again within just a few seconds, and the wedding processional began. Donna had eight bridesmaids, all dressed in simple pastel dresses. Sylvia Noble looked lovely in a royal blue gown. The groom had one best man and an adorable flower girl. Finally, the organ sounded the first few chords of _Treulich geführt_, better known as "Here Comes the Bride."

Everyone stood as Donna entered on the arm of a beaming Wilfred Mott. With her ginger hair, pale skin, and radiant smile, the Time Lord thought she looked stunningly beautiful. He also noticed that her white gown looked remarkably similar to the one his universe's Donna wore to wed Shaun Temple. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the half-human Doctor wipe away a tear.

The Doctor leaned over Rose to reach his human counterpart's ear. "You know - our Donna is married now, too."

"Really? Who's her husband?"

"Me."

"Ha."

"No, some bloke named Shaun Temple. Seemed nice enough; Wilf said he treated her well."

"Well, gooooood luck, Shaun."

"Hush, you two." Rose patted both Doctors' shoulders as all the guests sat back down, and Donna took her place beside Lee.

The ceremony was short but sweet. The bride and groom each improvised their own original wedding vows, and when asked to say "I do", Donna proclaimed "Oh, do I ever!", before planting a premature kiss on Lee's lips. And not a single person seemed to even notice the presence of a Time Lord, a half-human meta-crisis and two women from another universe.

The Smash Mouth song _I'm a Believer_ played everyone back out into the hall. The Doctor sincerely hoped the lyrics' applied to Donna – both universe's. The recessional turned a corner, and the Doctor saw that they were in the lobby of a grand hotel.

"Oh look, they have a little shop!" the half-human nodded towards the gift store. "I love a little shop!"

"Me, too." said the Doctor. "Good for when you want to shop, but just a little."

* * *

"Beverage, sir?"

The foursome had joined the rest of the wedding guests in the hotel's vast reception hall, and were seated at a small round table.

The Doctor turned around to the face a man in a black vest and slacks. "Oh. No. Sorry. My invitation didn't say we needed to bring drinks."

The waiter smiled reassuringly. "No, sir. Would _you_ like a beverage? The full bar will be open soon, but for now, we have coffee, milk, a variety of soft drinks, tea…"

The waiter stopped speaking and the Doctor feared why. He put a hand to his face and felt around. Yup, his mouth had formed a smile. A somewhat creepy one, he guessed, by the angle of it. He _knew _the waiter and was delighted to see him. The short brown hair, pale face, blue-green eyes and Welsh accent seemed so familiar, but the Doctor just couldn't figure out _how_ he knew him.

"Is something the matter, sir? Dinner will be served shortly if you're hungry, and we also have –"

"Ianto Jones!" the Doctor clapped his hands together. "A-ha! Yes…you're Ianto Jones. From Torchwood. Oh good memory, me." He literally patted himself on the back. "Look, Rose…Doctor!" he called to them, much louder than necessary, since they were seated directly to his left. "It's Ianto Jones. Remember? From that day we pulled the Earth back into orb…"

Ianto was staring at him like he'd just grown another hand.

"Er, I mean Ianto Jones - that teaboy from the other lovely wedding reception we attended at this very hotel, on this very planet," the Doctor pretended. "Yes, I'll take an orange juice, please."

* * *

He forgot that pulp-free orange juice – due to its specific concentration of potassium in relation to citric acid – made a Time Lord's urinary bladder fill up at about 9.4 times its usual rate. So, after exactly seven-and-a-half sips, the Doctor found himself spilling the OJ all over the table, as he had leapt up out of his chair to race frantically back into the hotel lobby, and into the men's room on the opposite side of the convention center.

After relieving himself, the Doctor took just a few steps outside of the restroom, before he felt a tap on the shoulder.

"Excuse me?"

The Doctor spun around and nearly bumped noises with a middle-aged brunette woman wearing a tan jacket, a white blouse, tight jeans and tall brown boots.

"I'm so sorry to bother you, sir," said Sarah Jane Smith. "But have you seen my canine?"


	5. The Doctors Dance

"I'm attending a journalists' conference down the hall, and I had my dog with me, but he ran off. Have you seen him? A small, grey canine?"

The Doctor leaned forward to get a better look at this Sarah Jane. She looked exactly liked the woman he knew, except perhaps a bit more tired. "You still have K-9?"

"No. Like I said – he's gone missing."

"Well, I'm sure hotel management will notice him soon and alert everyone. Robot pets do tend to gather attention." He flashed a reassuringly smile.

"Robot? No, no. He's a Miniature Schnauzer. Name's Luke."

"Fine name."

"He's like a son to me."

"Well, sorry. No, I haven't seen him. But I'll keep both eyes on the lookout." He leaned forward, widened his eyes and glanced in several directions – offering her a demonstration.

"Uh, thank you sir." She backed away a few feet.

"You're most welcome." The Doctor tapped her nose. "And stay good, Sar– I mean, Miss."

* * *

Back in the reception hall, Ianto Jones and the other wait staff were serving appetizers.

As the Doctor sat down, he heard his half-human counterpart responding to an offer of a chicken fingers. "No thanks. Don't need any animal limbs. This gentleman here already gave me his hand."

"Yes. You're welcome by the way," said the Time Lord. "I never did receive a 'Thank You for creating me' card."

"The gift shop was out."

Rose giggled and massaged the Time Lord's shoulder. "You feeling alright now?"

"Yes, I'm more than okay." He took her left hand in his, not caring that the half-human held her other one. "And how are you, Rose Tyler?"

"A little uncomfortable at the moment, honestly. But it's good. I like a happy discomfort."

"Am I squeezing your hand too tight?"

"No, it's perfect."

"Like the new fingers?" He wiggled them.

"Of course. And the face. It's so young!"

"Oi!" exclaimed the half-human Doctor. "I heard that."

"Oh hush, old man. No need for jealousy." She nudged him, and then spoke to the Time Lord. "He spotted a gray hair yesterday, and went a little crazy. Voice was the squeakiest I've ever heard it."

"Ah. Can't say I blame him. And I do miss the mole on my back."

"You don't have any birthmarks now?"

"Would you like to check?"

"Laaaadies and Geeeentleman," came the DJ's voice, from the front of the room. "To start off the evening, pleeeease turn your attention to Mr. and Mrs. McAvoy-Nobel, as they have their first dance as husband and wife."

Donna grabbed the microphone. "And as a special surprise, I've asked one of my old college friends, Christopher Meccleston, to perform a live song."

At those words, most of the wedding guests audibly gasped. A man - clearly dressed as John Lennon in round glasses and white suit - grabbed hold of the microphone. Several of Donna's bridesmaids ignored their dates in order to stare in awe at him. Even Donna was blushing as the man began to sing "Imagine."

The half-human Doctor jumped up. "WHAT? Is that? – could that? – is he? – nooo…"

The Doctor stood up for a better look. The John Lennon impersonator had grey-blue eyes, a long nose and a wrinkled forehead that looked unsettlingly familiar. The Doctor couldn't get a good view of the singer's ears (as they were covered by a long mop of brown hair), but he'd bet that they were elephant-sized. He also detected a slight Northern accent in his singing voice. "Noooo…," he echoed.

"Oh, he's completely human," said Rose. "Just some singer-actor bloke who does a bloody good John Lennon impersonation. I've seen him on telly. Freaked out at a bit at first. Didn't know Donna knew him! Oh and Mum has a major crush on him."

"Do not!" Jackie insisted.

"I would have guessed." The Doctor winked.

"We won't tell Pete," the half-human assured her.

* * *

The DJ next played some Pop tune that the Doctor didn't recognize, but which made Rose and Jackie rather excited. As they both went out to dance, the Doctor moved a seat over to chat with the half-human.

"So, why did you wait until today?" he asked.

"For what?"

"To befriend this universe's Donna. It's been nearly two years; why didn't you innocently 'crash' into her life earlier? I would have."

"Exactly. You would have. You've got the TARDIS."

"I don't see your point."

"I haven't exactly made close mates through typical human befriending methods before, have I? Least not with this face."

"That's not –"

"It's completely true." The half-human began to tick names off on his fingers. "Rose liked my moves against plastic Auton-Mickey. Jack – though charmed by my dashing good looks – liked that I had the TARDIS. Martha – though charmed by my even more dashing good looks – liked that I fought against the Judoon Platoon upon the moon. And Donna wasn't exactly too keen on me till I showed her Earth's creation." He sighed.

The Time Lord didn't like the look on his older face. Self-doubt wasn't something he remembered wearing well. "So, you're worried Donna won't want to be your, uh, B-F-F – I believe humans call it?"

The half-human nodded. "Wellll, I thought about saying 'hi, my name's The Doctor, and there's a version of you in another universe who, after being drugged with Huon particles, was pulled into a time and space machine….with a man who looks and think just like me but isn't me. And later, the two of them traveled around as best mates. And then, she unknowingly created a Human- Time Lord Meta-Crisis out of a severed hand, which became me. But the original me had to swipe all of _that _Donna's memories of her time with him in order to save her life. Sooooo, would you like to be my mate?', buuuut" he took an extended breath, "she might not follow the story."

"What's not to follow?"

The half-human didn't laugh.

"Tough audience."

"I don't know how to mate someone –" began the half-human, "uh, sorry, bad word choice; I don't want to mate with her – without showing off something Time Lord-esque."

"So, you want _my _help with a human matter?"

"I figured two brains are better than one. Wellll, the same brain, really - just composed of different DNA."

"I'm your wing man?"

The half-human nodded.

The Doctor jumped right up, clapping his hands. "Let's do this! One guaranteed way to make people like you? Teach 'em to dance!"

* * *

Rose's eyes grew wide as the Time Lord rushed over to the dance floor, pulling the half-human with him. "What?" he said to her, "This world doesn't end 'cause the Doctors dance."

Rose's smile brightened. "Alright. Let's see your moves then."

The Time Lord extended his arms high up into the air. "_This_," he waved his limbs back and forth, "is my signature move."

"You look like an intoxicated tree," Rose giggled.

"Giraffe is more like it," said the half-human.

"Let's teach Donna!"

Before anyone else could stop him, the Doctor ran over to Donna - who was enjoying a sweet slow dance with her granddad - and tapped her on the shoulder. "Congratulations, Mrs. McAvoy-Noble! May I invite you to learn some of my special dance moves?" He offered his hand.

"And you are?"

"I, uh, work with the DJ. One of his dance assistants. And may I present - " he thrust his human counterpart in front of him, then made some musical noises, trying to imitate a trumpet, " - my good friend: the Doctor."

" 'The Doctor, huh?' "Donna sounded simultaneously annoyed and amused."Let me guess: are you like the Lord of the Dance?"

The half-human offered his hand for a shake. "Half of a Lord, actually."

"What are you two blabbering about at _my_ wedding?" Donna ignored his hand.

"I just wanted to say congratulations. You look lovely. Just lovely."

"And I agree," said the Doctor.

"Listen, Dance-Boys, I don't know who the bloody hell you are, but," her voice suddenly softened, "thank you for the compliment. I do look stunning, don't I?"

"Absolutely," said both Doctors.

"Of course, you're beautiful, sweetheart," Wilf chimed in. "I've been telling you all night."

"So, may I have the honor?" the half-human extended his hand again.

Donna looked a bit more accepting this time. "I still don't know who you are, Pretty Boy, but I'll give you a dance for the compliment."

"Molto Bene!" The half-human gently took her hand.

"What's that mean?"

"It's Italian, for 'very good'."

"Oi, don't you go talking foreign on me!" But Donna smiled and let the half-human guide her to another spot on the dance floor. "Just don't travel your hands down low. I'm a married woman now."

The half-human smiled in a way that reminded the Time Lord of his own times with Donna Noble. He reached for Rose's hand, and dipped her whole body, like a professional Tango dancer. "May I have the honor?"

Rose blushed. "I'd like nothing more!" She pulled herself up, and then guided his arms into a proper ballroom dance position. "But no more drunk zoo animals."

* * *

After a few minutes of dancing with Rose, Jackie and a few children (who appreciated the fine art of his uncommon dances moves), the orange juice suddenly gave the Doctor's urinary bladder another jolt. He hesitated for just a moment, before leaning over to Wilfred Mott.

"Would you like to accompany me to the restroom?" he asked.

"What? Like them women do? Go to the toilet in groups?"

"Yes."

Wilf laughed. "It's not every day a young lad asks me that. Sure. Why not?"

"Great." The Doctor ran off, yanking the old man along.

* * *

On their journey back to the reception hall, Wilfred spotted an enticing conference room. "Look, it says it's one of them stag parties going on in there! I went to one or two as a boy. Oh, it was naughty!"

The Doctor looked over at the sign.

It read:

_Room Reserved: 7:00 – 10:30 pm / Stag Party for Cory Williams / Congratulations Cory and Amy!_


	6. Voyage of the Danced

The Doctor settled his hands on Wilfred Mott's shoulders and gazed seriously into his eyes. "Wilfred, I would like to propose to you."

Wilf glared back. "It's proper to get down on one knee."

"Sorry, I –"

"And we haven't even known each other ten minutes. Boy, you sure are a peculiar young lad, aren't ya?"

"Sorry, I meant –"

"Besides, I'm -" Wilf puffed his chest out a bit, "I'm into women."

"Sorry, I meant that I _have a proposal for you_. Specifically, that door. That door there." He released Wilf's shoulder and pointed to the room reserved for Cory William's stag party. "What do you say we stick our heads inside it?"

"Into the room with the strippers?"

"That's the one!"

Wilf gasped, smile and looked prematurely guilty. "Oh, I don't – We shouldn't – I can't…"

"Yes, yes? Go on…"

Wilf threw his hands up. "Oh, heck! Why not? I haven't seen young skin in over fifty years. It'll be like traveling back in time!"

* * *

The door had to be opened quite a bit to accommodate the Doctor's large forehead, but all the guests were turned towards something in the center of the room and didn't notice the intruders.

The room was rather barren, save for a few loose balloons and about fifteen twenty-something-year-old boys - who were cradling beer bottles and wearing long-sleeve red t-shirts, printed with the words "Cory's Stag" on the back. The Doctor pushed his head inside a bit further and could see the focus of their attention: a giant paper cake.

"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!" the boys cheered, clapping their hands and clanging their beers.

POP.

The seal of the cake broke, and a head burst out – more specifically, a female head, framed by long, ginger hair and topped with a fake London Police hat.

"Surprise!" the girl hollered.

"A…Amy?" A boy (Cory – the Doctor guessed – due to his very Rory-Williams-like back-of-the-head hair and docile voice) stumbled back a few feet, but was caught by his friends.

"Who else were you expecting?" The girl had a colorful Scottish accent that fit her spunky energy. "No floozy stripper girl is better than me as a Kiss-o-gram!"

The not-Rory boy laughed and kissed his fiancé on the lips.

"Awwww," said several partiers.

"Awwww," whispered Wilf and the Doctor.

"CONGRA-JA-MA-LAY-TIONS!" shouted one of the intoxicated boys.

"CONGRATULATIONS!" yelled the Doctor.

To the door…turned every guest's head.

"Whoops."

"And _you_ two are?" asked Amy.

"We're, uh, the hotel Congratulation-ers," the Doctor answered. "Complimentary cheering service. No charge! So again," he yanked the door fully opened and hopped in, limbs spread wide. "CONGRATULATIONS!"

"Congratulations!" Wilf echoed, though in a much calmer volume.

"Um, uh, thank you…" said Cory.

"Riiight…" Amy folded her arms. "And do we get anything else out of this 'service'?"

"Yes. Yes, you do." The Doctor sprang straight over to Amy, kissed her on the cheeks, and patted her head. Then, he turned to Cory and gave him the same treatment. Wilf just waved from the door.

"Well, that's it!" The Doctor tipped his hat. "We'll be off. There's a Bat Mitzvah down the hall due for some Mazel Tov-ing."

He scampered back out, and leaned against the closed door. "Bye-bye, Williams-es."

* * *

Jackie Tyler was at their table, waiting to speak with the Doctor when he arrived back. He reluctantly introduced her to Wilf as his date, before the older (well, technically much, much _younger_) man went off to participate in "The Macarena."

Jackie got lost in a long sip of wine before speaking. "So tell me, dear –"

"Dear?" He was used to Jacqueline Andrea Suzette Tyler serving up slaps, not endearing nicknames – at least not to him.

"I'm sorry; it must be that new baby face of yours. It's making me feel all…maternal. Sorry."

"I've done worse."

Jackie nodded and downed some more wine. "I honestly doubt you even know - what with traveling around, saving the world, it probably isn't the least bit important in the scheme of things. But…" She suddenly looked at him in a way the Doctor never thought he'd see: she was hesitant, shy. "Mickey? How is he?"

"Oh, Micketty McMikey! Of course Mickey Smith's important. Not quite The Idiot. Never was…"

"You've seen him? Since…?"

"I have! He seemed good. Has a wife."

Jackie's eyes widened. "Sod off! Really? Who is she? She good to him?"

"She's extraordinary. Absolutely extraordinary. Brilliant, as I've told her myself. And so is he. Oh and hey – you actually meet her…briefly…"

Jackie scratched her head. "Donna?"

"No, Martha. Martha Jones."

"Oh." Jackie's eyes danced with recognition. "She seemed nice. Smart."

"You really cared about Mickey, didn't you, Jackie?"

She ran a finger around her wine glass. "He was like a son to me. I wish I could have been at the wedding."

"I'm sure he knows that. "

Another long sip of wine. "Yeah?"

"He'd be an idiot not to know. Deciding to leave you wasn't easy for him."

"True." Maybe it was the wine or flattery, but Jackie blushed. "And you?"

"What about me?"

"Deciding to leave Rose."

The Doctor rubbed his eyes. "It didn't feel like much of a decision." He stole a glance at Rose and his half-human counterpart, who were joyfully tripping over "The Electric Slide" choreography. "He needed her, and she needed him…even if she didn't realize it."

"But what do _you_ need?"

The Doctor closed his eyes, rubbed the lids some more, and didn't respond for a long while.

"What I need," he bolted up - and paid no attention to Jackie's wine spilling all over the table - "is to continue dancing!" He reached for her hand.

* * *

The next song to start up was "The Time Warp."

_I remember doing the Time Warp  
Drinking those moments when  
The blackness would hit me and the void would be calling  
Let's do the time warp again...  
Let's do the time warp again!_

Rose elbowed both Doctors. "Looks like some mysterious genius requested this!" She curtsied.

"Ahh, brilliant! Wibbly Wobbly, Dancy-Wancy!" The half-human Doctor reached for a high-five, which the Time Lord gladly shared.

"Shall we grab Donna again?"

"Ohh yes!" The half-human already started a dash towards her.

Donna arrived annoyed. "I really don't need another 'Lord of The Dance' lesson from you Dance-Boys, thank you very much. The lyrics tell you what to do!"

"Oi, loosen up. It's your wedding, after all!" The half-human was gushing (gushing!) over her. "It's just a jump to the left –"

"And then a step to the right. Oi, I got it!"

"Put your hands on your hips now, Donna."

"This pelvic thrust really does drive me insane. Feels like I'm going to throw my back out."

"Don't say that! I think you do brilliant things with your body."

"WHAT did I say about flirting? My new husband's right over there."

"Oi, I was just saying that you're brilliant."

Rose leaned into the Time Lord's ear. "Were your conversations with Donna always just 'oi' competitions?"

"Nope. That's all _his_."

"His. I like that. Something of his own." She rubbed the Doctor's shoulder. "No offense. It's just…he needs to feel unique. Like his own person."

"No offense taken."

"And speaking of unique: that hat! _How_ haven't I teased you yet about wearing a _top hat_? You look like a magician."

"But aren't I?"

"True."

"Besides," he fiddled with the hat, "top hats are cool."

"LOVE the bowtie though. Always have." She nodded at his tenth incarnation's doppelganger. "Would have looked good with the leather jacket, too."

"And _that_ is one of the many things that makes you so special, Rose Tyler. But this," he pointed at his boutonnière: a red rose, "is my favorite part of the outfit."

Rose ran her tongue along her teeth. "Do you love it?" The question was directed at the floor.

The Doctor lifted her chin up and pointed at the half-human. "I know he does."

Rose smiled back. "Yeah, he does. Tells me, too."

"And nooooow," the DJ's booming voice overshadowed everything, "as the party stars to wind doooown, Mrs. Donna McAvoy-Noble will pass on her good fortune by tossing out the bouquet! Single Ladies, pleeeeease line up here!"

Rose clapped her hands. "Oh, I love this bit."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "Are you single, or just love watching the toss?"

"Yes."

"Yes - you're single, or yes – you'll watch?"

"Yes."

"Wait, wait, hold on –"

Rose held up her left hand. "See? No ring. So, yes to both. I love to watch, but I'm also technically single." She sighed, but not in a frustrated way. "He likes it, but hasn't put a ring on it…yet. I do love Beyoncé…"

"Who?"

"Oh, never mind."

* * *

Rose didn't catch the bouquet (nor did she really try), and Donna accused the winner (some blonde named Nerys) of cheating.

While Lee tossed the garter, The Doctor sauntered up to the half-human, and handed over something from his pocket.

"The TARDIS key? Oh! Oh! Have I been selected to be your next companion? Sorry I'm not blonde. Or ginger. Though technically - that's you fault. Wellll, technically a curious combination of yours, Donna's, Dalek Caan's, biologic -"

"I'm letting you take just two short trips." He held up two fingers. "One. Two. And I think you already know what they are."

The half-human nodded.

* * *

**Author's Note: one chapter left! :)**


	7. The Parting of the Crazed

Rose soon came bounding up to the Doctor, looking like an angry penguin trying to run on ice. "Where'd he go? I saw you two talking, and then he just walked off! What did you say to him?"

The Doctor folded his arms back, feeling a bit like his ninth incarnation. "I don't know who you're referring to."

"Err… _you_!"

"I'm right…here. Hi, Rose Tyler." He waved.

"Fine, I mean _him_ then."

"Who? Oh, you mean Wilfred? The groom Lee? The loveable usher? Osama Bin Laden, maybe? The Hanson brothers, perhaps?"

Rose finally laughed. "You sound like him now, too."

"Do I? Guess I'm feeling a little nostalgic. Slipped back into old habits."

"So where is he? The um, non-you Doctor?"

"Welllll –" At that, his eyes bulged like a squished bug's, before he cleared his throat and stuck his tongue out…once, twice, three times. "Oh, that word does feel odd with this mouth."

"Answer. The. Question."

The Doctor backed up a few feet, and stuck his hands out, as if trying to tame a naughty dog. "He's in the TARDIS."

"WHAT? YOU…BUT!" She yanked at her hair. "You sent him off to do _your_ work? He's only got one heart. If he gets fatally injured, there won't be a flash of orange light…and he's miraculously wearing a bow tie and a younger face! He'll just…he'll die."

"Doesn't he do dangerous things for Torchwood all the time?"

"Yeah, but that's different. That's…it's…just…it's different."

"Well danger was never a problem for Rose Tyler, was it?"

Rose bit her lip.

"And relax. He just went to fetch Donna a present."

"Oh." Her face relaxed. "Well, why'd he need the TARDIS? What - is he going to get her the Titanic ring? Original Van Gogh painting? I dunno…Shakespeare's autograph?"

The Doctor felt his face form into _impressed by Rose Tyler's_ _wit_ facial mod. He decided it suited this face, too. "He just needed to talk to someone and check some numbers. I made sure they sold lottery tickets at the hotel's little shop."

Rose mouth snapped open and closed. "He wouldn't!"

"He would. I did."

"Oh." Lip bite again. "Why not for me?"

"I thought you'd prefer Slitheen and nanogeens."

"Very funny."

They ogled at each other for a moment, performing a familiar flirtatious dance with their eyes - before the Doctor spoke again.

"And I gave you Pete. Twice."

Rose turned bright red. "Well, wanting to stop my real dad from dying was a very human emotion. At least _He_ gets that now."

"Rose, I –"

"Yeah, yeah. I know. You didn't mean it that way."

The Doctor looked to the ground.

Jackie Tyler's presence broke the silence. "Come back to dance, sweetheart! Only a few songs left. And I –" she listened to the new song starting up. "Yes! 'The Hamster Hustle!' "

The Doctor scratched his hair. "Never heard of that song."

"It's this universe's version of 'The Chicken Dance.' Now come on, kids!"

"You don't have to tell me twice." The Doctor yanked her on over to the dance floor before she had the chance to lead.

* * *

"So…tell…me: what…else is…different...in this…universe?" The Doctor asked Rose in between breaths, while incorrectly performing the "Ha Ha Thrust" – this universe's Country-style version of the "Cha Cha Slide."

"Hmmm, well, Lady GaGa is actually an overweight bald man named King Gaga, David Beckham is married to Ginger – not Posh – Spice. Harriet Jones retired as 'President' and now does infomercials for those 'hello. my name is:' stickers. Oh, and Michael Jackson? He stayed black!"

"Ah, well that last one's not surprising."

"What do you mean?"

The Doctor used his hands to swat the words away.

"Doctor, are you sayin' my original universe's Michael…is an alien?"

"'Course not. Just…alien _intervention_. Not partially my fault at all."

Rose's stare was one of massive confusion.

"Oh! The Conga! Thought that was only popular in America." As the song started up, the Doctor stood up on his toes and called out to the whole crowd. "Come on, everyone. I will lead the queue! And Donna," he dashed over to her and carefully placed her fingers on his back, "you get in just behind. And….AWAY. WE. GO. GER-RON-I-MO!" He marched forward, kicking his left leg, then his right one far out into the air.

A queue of about fifty guests – adults and children alike - quickly formed behind him, including Jackie and Rose. Even Ianto, and a few other wait staff joined in. The Doctor weaved in and out of the tables, shouting "who-hoo!"s, "oh oh!"s and even one "I _am_ the Lord of the Dance!" Passing by a seated Wilfred, he bellowed, "For you, good sir!" and tossed out his top hat, which landing perfectly on the man's head. He also stole an abandoned pink lei from the bridesmaids' table to throw over his neck, declaring that "leis are cool."

"Oi! You started the Conga without me?" The half-human Doctor had arrived. "But I love the Conga Line. It's my fifth favorite type of line…"

"It was his fault!" called out Rose.

"Well then," while everyone continued dancing, the half-human maneuvered his way to the front of the queue and placed the Time Lord's hands on top of his own shoulders. "This time, _you'll_ be the one to follow _me_!" He laughed, a bit manically – a cackle, really. "And nice lei." He shot Rose a wink.

* * *

"Family and friends! Ahem…everyone?" Donna was now standing at the microphone, holding an empty glass of wine in her other hand, and swaying. "We've done all the eggs – uh, toasts, I mean toasts - but I was wondering if anyone else would like to come out and say something about me? Congratulate me s'more?"

All the guests just glanced around at each other. A few gestured to the person next to them to break the awkward silence, but no one was an eager volunteer. Wellll, except for one man, of course.

"This gentleman will!" The Doctor thrust the half-human's hand high up into the air, and gave him a big push forward.

The half-human tripped a bit over his legs, and Donna (even in her drunken state) looked weary, but she let him take the mic.

"Er, hello, everyone. Friends. Family. I'm the…uh, I'm…wanting to congratulate Donna. Donna Noble. Um, Mrs. Donna McAvoy-Noble…and her husband Lee. Lucky, lucky Lee." He cleared his throat, and looked out at the audience, who gawked at him as if he were…well, an alien. He continued, "just by saying 'have a great life.' Do that for your friends and family, Donna," he turned to look at her, "build a fantastic life with Lee. And stay brilliant." He took Donna's wine glass and lifted it. "To Donna and Lee!"

"Donna and Lee!" the crowd echoed, with various degrees of enthusiasm.

The half-human Doctor set the mic down on the table, and leaned in for a Donna-hug - even though it was completely one-sided. He then walked over to Wilf, Sylvia, and Lee, who were seated just behind. He gave Lee a firm handshake, Sylvia a more reluctant one, and Wilf a warm hug.

The Time Lord Doctor then dashed on over to the table, gave all four Noble-McAvoy-Mott's a kiss per cheek, and disappeared back into the crowd again. In turn, each recipient gave their wine glasses a few more chugs.

Donna took the mic again. "Never mind then. Enough toasts. As a final surprise, the wait staff will now be delivering each person a fortune cookie. It's our way of sharing in our good fortune." She took a seat.

The half-human reached into his pocket and held out a small envelope to Donna. "I just wanted to give this to you personally."

"A gift from one of the 'Dance Lords', eh? Put it on the gift table there. It's not like I have _pockets_ in my wedding gown."

"Right. Yes. Yes, of course." He turned away, but then spun back. "Oh and Donna? If you ever want a free dance lesson, I'd be more than happy to teach you."

Donna rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you'll be the very first call I make after the honeymoon."

"Oh, a honeymoon! Where are you going? Some exciting place, I hope! Pompeii, maybe?"

"Australia, than Los Angeles. Got a really good deal on Oceanic Airlines."

"Ah. Well," He winked at her. "I'll make sure we see each other around some way or another."

* * *

Back at their table, Jackie and Rose were eagerly unwrapping fortune cookies.

"Mine," began Jackie, "says 'A special ceremony will take place in front of you.' Yeah, how prophetic. I think I noticed that I'm at wedding."

"And mine - " Rose slowly unwrapped hers, "- says " 'Something you lost will soon turn up.' " She eyed the Doctor. "What, did you write these?"

He shook his head. He hadn't.

"Alright. Your turn then, Doctors."

Neither man moved.

"What? Scared of glimpsing a bit into your futures? A little biscuit frighten you more than time travel?"

"Spoilers," both men responded, rather seriously.

"Oh, come 'on. It's just a silly paper. Pleeease? Open them for me? They're fun!"

"Fine," the half-human sighed, but obliged. " 'Your knowledge and skills will always be quite handy.' " He smiled and slipped the paper into his pocket. "Oh, that's brilliant! After all, I _am_ very good!"

"Your turn now, Doctor," Rose nudged the Time Lord.

He opened up his slip and stared at the text for a good ten seconds, feeling his left heart race widely and his right one come to a near stop.

"What is? What does it says? Something wrong? Oh come on Doctor, you don't have to take it so seriously."

"It says -" He held up a finger and took a long swig of good 'ol H20, " 'Hello, Sweetie.' "

* * *

After retrieving his top hat from Wilfred Mott's head and returning the pink lei to the bridesmaids' table, the Doctor sprinted down the hall towards the TARDIS, with Rose and his half-human counterpart trailing slightly behind.

"Who's…calling…you…Sweetie?" Rose managed between breaths. He didn't answer, so she looked to the half-human.

"No one. She's… she's just…no one."

"Ah!...So …you…know…about…her…too?" They reached the TARDIS, and Rose slammed her body against the door, preventing anyone from entering. "Been chattin' her up in both bodies then? And it isn't Donna. I may have only met her briefly, but she doesn't strike me as the type to use pet nicknames."

"Rose, please –" The Time Lord held up the TARDIS key, "I really need to be going NOW. The message came from someone back in _my_ universe, and whatever it means …it's most certainly extremely very not good. I have no idea how anyone could communicate with me here. Even her. "

"Pfft. What is she, your wife?"

The Doctor didn't respond.

"Doctor, I was kidding. Wait – she isn't, is she?"

"She's a married woman." He ran every finger through his hair. "Also happens to be a murder. Plus, an expert at flying the TARDIS and has a habit of calling me "sweetie". But really, that's all I know."

Rose looked to the half-human. "Is he lying?"

"Maybe. We _do_ lie. But I wouldn't completely know. And actually," he looked to the Time Lord, "I would like to know. I'll never get to live those times she promised. I'm not much bothered by spoilers, me. Always skipping ahead to the end of my favorite TV shows, movies, books, scented comics from the thirty-fifth century –"

"FINE!" The Time Lord leaned forward and swiftly head-butted his human self.

After a moment, both men stumbled back, holding ontp their foreheads.

"TWELVE years late? You were TWELVE years late?" The half-human's voice reached a chipmunk-level pitch. "And COLORED Daleks? COLORED again? Ewwww, and a fez…really? Now that's just distasteful." He looked at the Time Lord in horror. "Oh, but nice that you didn't have to deal with any mothers."

"Oi, my mum's not that bad," Rose piped in.

The Doctors raised eyebrows at each other, then the half-human sniffed and looked away. "Thank you. Erm, thank you for that."

The Time Lord nodded. "Yeah."

"But you didn't show me…I didn't see how _it_ happened," he motioned up and down the Doctor's whole body. "Was it right after Dårlig Ulv-Stranden?"

"No, no." He paced a bit, thinking. "Okay, fine. HERE." The Time Lord head-butted his human self again, and the two men stumbled back once more.

"Ahh, I sure like the look of Lady Christina! And a hot air balloon, REALLY? Ohh, I do wish I could go up in one of those! And THE MASTER? As a bleach blonde? Wellll –"

"And AGAIN."

Another great, big head-butt, and the half-human suddenly grew misty-eyed, plus spoke with a mellow, human-pitched voice. His eyes moved slowly from side to side, as if viewing an invisible film. "Mickey and Martha? Brilliant. And my Sarah Jane…and good 'ol Captain Jack. Allonsy! Joan Redfern was happy… that's fantastic. And Donna…our Donna looked beautiful. And…"

He slowly turned to face Rose, cupped her cheek, and kissed her nose. He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against hers. The two breathed together for several moments.

Then, he turned back to the Time Lord. "You still left out how _it_ happened."

"Do you really want to know?"

The half-human Doctor tugged on his ear, pulling his head to an almost horizontal point, before straightening back up again. "No."

"Ok. Well…" The Time Lord shuffled his feet and raised the TARDIS key to its door. He opened it, and without looking back, took a step inside.

But, his half-human counter-part placed a hand on his shoulder and forced him to turn around. "Ya know what, Gramps? I think I like this incarnation as much as our fifth. Wellll, almost." He sniffed. "But I'm still glad I get to stay as this handsome devil. I mean, look at me."

The Time Lord titled his head. "Even though you'll grow old?"

He took Rose's hand and didn't hesitate. "Yes."

"Hey, I'll remember that the next time you fuss over a grey hair or new wrinkle!" Rose teased.

"Okay, well –" The Time Lord shuffled his feet again.

"Wait! What about Donna!" Rose looked frantic. "This'll be your last way to show her the TARDIS. Don't you think she should see it? Just to take a look around? Wouldn't that bring you - both of you - some cheer?"

"No," both Doctors responded immediately.

"It would hurt too much," said the Time Lord.

"Because the other Donna can't," the human concluded.

"Oh," Rose's shoulders deflated.

"Okay, well -" Another Time Lord feet-shuffle.

"When? When am –" Rose gave the half-human a guilty look, but proceeded in asking the Time Lord anyway. "When am I going to see you again? Ever?"

The Doctor offered up a sad smile. "I would say it's impossible, but we know that's not true. Clearly never was."

Rose actually giggled. "Yeah."

"And you can see _him_ everyday. I hope that's enough."

Rose look at the half-human's hand, which she was still holding. "Yeah. It's becoming more than enough."

The Doctor sniffed. "Right then. Guess my next line is 'Geronimo.' "

Rose stood on her toes and gave him a kiss, on both cheeks. "Bye, Doctor. _For now_."

The Doctor looked to the half-human and pointed to both of his own cheeks – a question.

"WHAT?"

"Handshake?"

"The right hand? Sure."

The shook hands.

"Okay, well –"

"Oh, just go already!" Rose showed off a huge grin, reached into the TARDIS to grab the handle, and slammed it right on the Doctor's face.

The Doctor stared at the door for several seconds (during which he swore that he could hear his human counterpart whisper "Allonsy" into Rose's ear, before the pair walked back down the hall), then went to the ship's center console, right above its heart. He used his sonic screwdriver to activate the Huon particles, which would briefly open a TARDIS-shaped hole to his own universe and bring him back home.

He then reached for the Harry Potter book and started to read, anxious to get lost in another fantasy. Page seven mentioned a new curse. Though it was part of JK Rowling's imaginary wizard language, the TARDIS was able to translate: _Hurry up, Sweetie_.

* * *

**A/N: I know that I used several Americanisms here, but I just couldn't resist. Sorry. I'm sure I already showed my American authorship in past chapters, so I'm guessing that if you made it to this final one, you didn't mind too much. Plus, Harriet Jones is called "President" in Pete's World, so let's just pretend that its Britain is pretty USA-ish.**

**Thanks so much for reading my first ever fic!**


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